love * hurt * destruction * amy jade winehouse ***messymandella***

         When Amy Winehouse graced the world with her “Blue Eyed Soul” she had the world captivated.  Amy had her own style and a distinct voice that could easily rival any of our jazz greats. She was loved by millions and had  the world at her feet. She came into  the Music business with a sense of purpose, and an innovative way to reinvent soul, and transform it into her unique adaptation that no one could duplicate. She changed perception of music in terms of infusing reggae, soul, and jazz in her recordings. Amy Winehouse was compared to Dusty Springfield and even Billie Holiday. Why did we lose her?

        Amy Jade, left all her talent and life behind after only  walking the Earth for   27 years. Now she is  a member of infamous 27 Club she will be one of those “what if they would have lived?” conversations for years to come.

       When Amy married Blake Felder -Civil her appearance and behavior became a circus in itself. The couple would fight and walk around the street with bruises and would even cause disruption on prison visits,and they had to search her Signature Beehive for contraband.

http://www.popcrunch.com/amy-winehouse-blake-fielder-civil-fight/

        As her popularity grew her financial and professional life took a back seat and she began  to concentrate on her social life instead of  talent. Later rapid rumors of drug and alcohol abuse were later confirmed. Amy was seen on drugs and alcohol on various forms of   video  and pictures. The reporters of the publication “Sun”  printed a damaging video of Amy smoking Crack Cocaine on film. Sadly one of her own peers sold the footage to the tabloid.

         Amy  Winehouse was an attractive girl who later lost teeth,weight,and her own voice began to diminish, due to her lifestyle. Her legal problems and show performances suffered because of her addiction, and she wasn’t allowed in the United States to attend a performance, because of her reputation and legal problems. Some of her live performances were down right embarrassing, but Amy wanted to prove to the world she was still a singer.  Her fans kept waiting for her to make the ultimate comeback and silence all the negativity in her personal life.    

          Amy Winehouse made her comeback, or so we thought during this time. Sadly, her physical and personal life still controlled every fiber in her being. Of course it effected her voice, and  her comeback  was ridiculed and she went into a deeper alcoholic and drug related self medicated process. Amy  looked confused and intoxicated at every performance in her last days. We  kept waiting for her to come back, but she never was able to shake off those demons. What could have happened? Who would  Amy Winehouse be today, if she  could have been sober and demon free?

          Now the world will have to wonder what could have been for the  Deceased Lioness, known as Amy Jade Winehouse?

Here is the documentary.

 

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The Life Of Donald Goines!***messymandella***

 

Donald Goines

Donald Goines (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    Donald Goines books were introduced to me five years ago, and I am captivated by his personalized admission of his own insecurities and shame of not being able to leave the drug game behind to focus on all other aspects of the culture. If you have never read a Donald Goines book, be advised no topic is overlooked. He takes your mind to the depravity that haunts you in your nightmares. 

The protagonist in his novels are a little too real…

         Could he have been too real to the dealers and hustlers in the neighborhood? Sometimes a fictional character can be a carbon copy of the man down the street. In a sense this could have caused his demise, because some of his novels were written behind bars. Could they have assumed he was snitching? Yes, he could have assumed that he world knew he was discussing to create a buzz for his books?

“Donald Goines was born in Detroit to a relatively comfortable family – his parents, Joseph and Myrtle Goines, owned a local dry cleaner, and he did not have problems with the law or drugs. The children occasionally helped at the shop. Goines attended Catholic elementary school and was expected to go into his family’s laundry business. Instead Goines enlisted in the US Air Force, and to get in he had to lie his age. From 1952 to 1955 he served in the army. During this period he got hooked on heroin. When he returned to Detroit from Japan, he was a heroin addict.

The next 15 years from 1955 Goines spent pimping, robbing, stealing, bootlegging, and running numbers, or doing time. His seven prison sentences totaled 6,5 years. While in jail in the 1960s he first attempted to write Westerns without much success – he loved cowboy movies. A few years later, serving a different sentence at a different prison, he was introduced to the work of Iceberg Slim (Robert Beck). Before his release, Goines finished two books, Dopefiend (1971) and the semi-autobiographical Whoreson (1972). The latter novel was a story about the son of a prostitute who becomes a Detroit ghetto pimp. Also Beck’s first book, Pimp: The Story of My Life (1967), was autobiographical. Goines was released in 1970, after which he wrote 16 novels with Holloway House, Iceberg Slim’s publisher. Hoping to get rid of surroundings – he was back on smack – he moved with his family to the Los Angeles ghetto of Watts.”-A.L. Clarke

Imagine someone so horrific that  to get out of their hood, he  forged a birth certificate at 14 Years Old,  just to join the air force. Donald knew he wanted to escape from the horrors of the hood. Donald leaving the hood was a gift and a curse. He became addicted to Heroine at 15 years old. By that time, he was still reading and embracing the writings of Iceberg Slim, but he couldn’t quite kick that habit. So when he came back from War,  his Heroine War still existed. He went to jail repeatedly and joined the Crime Underworld.

People will try to escape waiting to  hand him that street work, but he pimped, and hustled.

Donald in the end met the characters in his book and dealt with so many that he became too real for his audience. 

      When you write fiction about the Street Life, that fiction was not  comfort to the end. When he was murdered with his common law wife, it  could have been a drug deal gone bad?  Some believe his realistic books labeled him an information.
He repeatedly entered jail, and wrote books while behind bars.
In the hood, if someone is regularly arrested, but always get back out, they can be labeled as a snitch. Donald’s stories were too descriptive, that local criminals believed that he was talking about them,even if his books are considered fiction.

          Donald and his girlfriend were both shot and killed together. No one knows who murdered them.
When you assume that the hood does not destroy you, you underestimate the common link of failure and destruction. The game will lead to riches,but you never know who will set you up, or try to rob you of your riches.

           The real understand that the game may lead to fame,but to make it you have to stay away from that stage. It is so easy to lay down with fleas and want to be seen and to turn off the rest of the world, but only for the lost. The Real understand…

 

 

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Happy Mother’s Day From The Childless ***messymandella***…

       I  shall become a mother, but I wanted to serve my purpose to help others and give my future children a sense of self and determination.

      I want my sons to look in the eyes of their dad and see courage and mischief, but also rest in the home knowing everyone in our household will remain safe.

I want my son to want to strive and have wisdom. Their dad must instill values regarding the dangers and mistakes.

I want a daughter that knows she is beautiful, but will

 

use her mind and spirit to lead.

She will always respect her man or woman. Her partner should always respect her.

I don’t want my daughter’s visiting their baby daddy behind bars, or her husband to have an inmate number for life.

I want to build pride, unification, and self-love within our world.

We as a world can become financial wealth, but spiritual wealth is just as beneficial.

Salute to you mothers that have divinity and life  goals  for empowerment within ourselves and the youth.

You mom’s are the reason I believe in love and a career with strong foundation.

 

 

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Lil Kim, What’s Wrong With Being Black? ***messymandella***self – hate turns into an obsession

You blind or something?

Oh, Dear Jesus!

My Lamb!

What in the Lambchop Hell am I looking at?Cg2MJ-lUUAIfJsU

No more pretending  that ths is not your new plastic surgery that has turned you into Imelda Marcos! If You want to look like Margaret Cho, and Kim Jung Ill , that is your business! You can wallow  in Pancake Ivory Make-Up to your last days.

Lil Kim, WE HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT YOU SINCE 1996.

We know what you looked like almost a decade ago.

They have this thing called pictures, you see?

If you don’t stop turning into a Thunder Cat or the lead kitten in the Meow Mix Commercial…

This is a travesty. I wrote those horrible comments above because I thought it was funny how bad she looked. It is however far from comical, just disturbing and embarrassing. 

LilKimBeforeAfter Everyone knows I Love Lil Kim!

It’s a contradiction of my personality.I love Empowering Women, but also love someone who talks about making money,drugs and selling her ass. I don’t think that the beautiful women of Rap are personified outside of their entourage unless they sell their sexuality.

I don’t know why she became a different shade and abandoned the beautiful little woman she was in 1996?We can speculate on how and why she bleached her skin, and chose to turn into a more lighter, Asian version of herself. I have a theory, the love of her life was the late Biggie Smalls, who was a well-known player. Biggie had 2 well-known side chicks, Charlie Baltimore and Faith Evans,Faith became his wife. They are both Biracial and Fair Skinned. That may have been the catalyst that changed Lil Kim into this other person. Maybe she felt, “Why not me?”I am not complaining about being more ethnic.I have weave and change the color of my hair every other week. I express myself through fashion, hair and music.

Lil Kim did not start making herself  lighter until Faith Evans became Big’s Wife. Why did Lil Kim think she needed to be lighter? Is it a statement that lighter is better in the African-American community? If this is the idea that little girls are given, we need to do better and live better.

I can’t think of anyway we can get pass colorism and self-love if we keep abandon the melanin in our skin, to be another standard of beauty. Who’s standard? Women are beautiful in every race and color. No certain complexion or hue is superior. She also needs better friends. There is no way your TRUE friends would let you roll with them looking so unnatural.

It is wrong to bully or criticize someone because of how they look, jealousy, or factors they can’t control. Kim and other women and men can control this disgusting bleaching trend. You were once a woman of black descent before you pulled a Sammy Sosa!

 

I will ALWAYS be a Lil Kim fan, but I wish she was a fan of herself!

This transition is insanely drastic!

For Real***messymandella***

If you are willing to jump, can you jump into the unknown?

Can you step outside of your element,  and give it a chance?

I have always been a very stubborn person, that is probably why God gave me such strong intuition.

 I can feel emotions for someone,  that the public would assume is emotionless.

I  view people not by their title, or what other people think they are…

NO, I almost made that mistake , but that feeling is deep and if you are intrigued follow that feeling. Ask for respect and privacy,because they would expect that.

Some things you just can’t explain, and maybe you can’t because it is too powerful.

It is not about a kiss, or any sexual act.

The mental and spiritual connection is magnetic and so powerful, that you can’t just let it go!

Journeys and discovery take bravery and that spiritual connection.

You will never be able to explain it, unless you are chosen to feel it!

Then, You will know it is real…

 

#WorldCancerDay: Remembering Taylon!***messymandella*** classic story

 

       I wrote this story in 2014 about Taylon! If you notice, I am no Oprah, but I always revisit stories that are  unfinished and still search on a weekly basis for  results on the status of their life, and vindication. I am her for people who are injured , assaulted, molested, murdered or fighting a battle of illness, that it is only matter of time…
 
I  never stop searching and checking up on the people that have for some reason are a permanent part of my life and the connection is stronger than the majority of the world would even imagine. I am saddened in this case to bring a tearful follow up for a brave little girl, that no longer is crying and suffering.
 
Taylon passed away, a few months back but here she is before the end to remind us that every day is a fight that we take for granted. Here is Taylon’s story and the reason I continue to follow up  on past stories, is because everyone’s life means something, and they are here for a reason. I  am a tough and feisty little woman, that has the heart of a giant and the determination  of  100 men. I will not be content  t0  I make a difference in this  crazy and sometimes deceitful world. Even if I write thirty stories a day and to community work every hour,  I still will never be as strong, humble  and  courageous as you were, Taylon!
 
I Love You!

 
***messymandella***

 

 

          A courageous little girl named Taylon wanted ONE wish! She has an inoperable tumor, and now is living the rest of her life just appreciating each day. She has a powerful and captivating presence. Taylon, We Love you more than you can ever will imagine.
 
            You are one of the stars that even when we can’t see you; your spirit will still shine. You embody everything a soldier would embody to fight a war.
 
          You will always have a place in everyone’s heart.This baby doesn’t have long to live but she is and will be an Angel, and a remarkable light in everyone’s eyes that meets her. I can’t fathom someone so young preparing to die, but as of now she has accepted her fate…
 

This little lioness will leave stains on your cheeks. I am sobbing right now for this phenomenal little princess.

 

 
 

I was here! ***messymandella*** beyonce and nicki minaj

I love the fact that it is “supposedly” a mans world.

When a woman steps in the spotlight, it intimidates some weak-minded individuals.

Are you that strong force to be reckoned with,do you catch a glare in your hater’s eyes?

 Can you stay in the background and “bite your tongue? ”

You must not know about me…
 

 
I know that I am here to help people, and be strong!

Sometimes its hard to stay strong during adversity, but that pain and betrayal will make you free.

I don’t think any man or woman should be quiet just to please the masses.

 Sometimes it takes that small little voice to make the forest shake! 

Are you going to let anyone bring you down?

 They will make you second guess your destiny, but is that their fault you let them win?

 I want freedom from liars, racism, and homophobia!

I want Santra Rucker home!

Santra Rucker will get her freedom, or at least another chance at life, we worked hard enough!

https://messymandella.com/2015/07/21/santra-rucker-sentenced-to-390-years/

I refuse to stop teaching young women and men about emotional and physical abuse.

 I refuse to sleep with someone who has a girlfriend or partner or be anyone’s secret.

 Lying and withholding information are the same damn thing.

Don’t fall into the trap of being simple or afraid of making your dreams your proud legacy and never let someone bully you!

 I am going to make sure that I leave my mark in this world like it or not, I am here.

I strive to give love and patience to everyone I meet.

 I can’t be like everyone else, because I am different and I stand up for myself and my beliefs.

I never look back at my mistakes, just the people who made them…

Mistakes are free and experience is a gift.

Mistakes are nothing but pain and reflection that guides you to your blessings. 

I will not be submissive, and let people defame my character.

I have a damn voice, and you are going to respect it! 

Even if you know how your heart feels on certain issues, your self-respect means more.

 We Are all Responsible to let our light shine.

I feel freedom, when I leave a manipulative situation!

I feel free!

 I don’t care when they are mad, if they deserve the anger!

I will never give in to self-serving people.

I will never bow down just to be loved.

Do you let the world see you?

I am not going to live to be 80 years old, I just know it! 

 I want my remaining time to be spent with true friends and loved ones that had my back no matter what happened.

Respect my outside life, because in my personal life I am a very private person… 

My inspiration and dedication will guide me through it all.

 I am sure that through your emotional turmoil,  you learned a lesson.

 I refuse to settle for someone who does not deserve me.

You shouldn’t either, be free and live your life!

I want to show the world that I was here…

 

 

 
 
 
 

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